Last year my pals van got swiped.
T6.1 Highline with a 15k fit out.
They took the keys from his key holder by the front door.
Actually, he heard a noise in the night, woke up, went downstairs and had a mooch about.... went back to bed and when he woke up his van was gone.
Coppers reckon they were hiding in the house when he was downstairs mooching about (turns out he didn't really look, he just bollocked the dog....got some water and had a whizz in the downstairs loo)
I asked him how he felt and he gave possibly the best response ever.
"Firstly, nobody got hurt, secondly, the vans insured... so win win..."
And thats the problem....
People worry so much about this 'pride and joy' on their drive, this chunk of metal and plastic that they've given a cute name and developed an emotional bond with like its a family pet or a beloved aunt. they do stupid things like force the thieving bastards to hunt for keys...or attaching crook locks etc..... like why?
If I thief wants your van so bad they're willing to kill you fir it, let the buggers take it....better still....make it easy...
If someone wants it so bad as to rob your kids of their parent...and send you to meet baby Jeesus.....why piss about with tacky gadgets to slow them down and have them hanging about longer?
isn't it better to lose your van than your life?
thieves these days aren't like the thieves in the 1950s with masks and swag bags and striped jumpers like in the Beano....they're fkin violent psychopaths with blades and weapons and they aren't scared of you or the Police..
If they have to hunt. They're in the house too long, which puts your family at risk...
And you...yes you Jackie Chan... are not in any condition to be fist fighting 2 or 3 assailants at 3am, however hard you think you are, or however big the imaginary baseball bat is....(the one the tough guy keyboard trolls are about to tell us about in the comments.... the one they keep under their bed....)
"If anyone broke into my house I'd [insert macho bullshit statement] and id [insert delusion about not regretting their death at your hands]...."
I don't care if you're mike tyson 25 years ago... I never met anyone harder than a 6 inch blade, a gun, or a crowbar.
And men, whilst you THINK you can protect your kids/wife with what you imagine is your limitless strength and fighting skills.... look in a full length mirror with your top off...... really? That's what you're bringing to fight an Albanian with a zombie knife, without your contacts in, half asleep... over a Vw T6.
Will Volkswagen support your family when you've gone up the crematorium Chimney? They won't even tell the truth about their emissions figures my friend...
So, internet Hardman.
Let's get real.
You want to defend your van in mortal combat.... but you can't.
You like to think that if someone breaks into your house you'll suddenly get this super dad strength that will make you invincible.... but thats not real is it.
Truth is, you'll all be hiding in the kids bedroom on the phone to the police with all the furniture piled up against the door...saying "hurry...theres someone in my house" in that shakey adrenaline voice thats two octaves higher than your usual speaking voice.
Just like everyone else
So buy your gadgets and gizmos....maybe it will deter a 12 year old opportunist....but for a proper tea leaf whos prepared to kill you.....it wont make a blind bit of difference.
I can't wait to read the comments on this one.
T6.1 Highline with a 15k fit out.
They took the keys from his key holder by the front door.
Actually, he heard a noise in the night, woke up, went downstairs and had a mooch about.... went back to bed and when he woke up his van was gone.
Coppers reckon they were hiding in the house when he was downstairs mooching about (turns out he didn't really look, he just bollocked the dog....got some water and had a whizz in the downstairs loo)
I asked him how he felt and he gave possibly the best response ever.
"Firstly, nobody got hurt, secondly, the vans insured... so win win..."
And thats the problem....
People worry so much about this 'pride and joy' on their drive, this chunk of metal and plastic that they've given a cute name and developed an emotional bond with like its a family pet or a beloved aunt. they do stupid things like force the thieving bastards to hunt for keys...or attaching crook locks etc..... like why?
If I thief wants your van so bad they're willing to kill you fir it, let the buggers take it....better still....make it easy...
If someone wants it so bad as to rob your kids of their parent...and send you to meet baby Jeesus.....why piss about with tacky gadgets to slow them down and have them hanging about longer?
isn't it better to lose your van than your life?
thieves these days aren't like the thieves in the 1950s with masks and swag bags and striped jumpers like in the Beano....they're fkin violent psychopaths with blades and weapons and they aren't scared of you or the Police..
If they have to hunt. They're in the house too long, which puts your family at risk...
And you...yes you Jackie Chan... are not in any condition to be fist fighting 2 or 3 assailants at 3am, however hard you think you are, or however big the imaginary baseball bat is....(the one the tough guy keyboard trolls are about to tell us about in the comments.... the one they keep under their bed....)
"If anyone broke into my house I'd [insert macho bullshit statement] and id [insert delusion about not regretting their death at your hands]...."
I don't care if you're mike tyson 25 years ago... I never met anyone harder than a 6 inch blade, a gun, or a crowbar.
And men, whilst you THINK you can protect your kids/wife with what you imagine is your limitless strength and fighting skills.... look in a full length mirror with your top off...... really? That's what you're bringing to fight an Albanian with a zombie knife, without your contacts in, half asleep... over a Vw T6.
Will Volkswagen support your family when you've gone up the crematorium Chimney? They won't even tell the truth about their emissions figures my friend...
So, internet Hardman.
Let's get real.
You want to defend your van in mortal combat.... but you can't.
You like to think that if someone breaks into your house you'll suddenly get this super dad strength that will make you invincible.... but thats not real is it.
Truth is, you'll all be hiding in the kids bedroom on the phone to the police with all the furniture piled up against the door...saying "hurry...theres someone in my house" in that shakey adrenaline voice thats two octaves higher than your usual speaking voice.
Just like everyone else
So buy your gadgets and gizmos....maybe it will deter a 12 year old opportunist....but for a proper tea leaf whos prepared to kill you.....it wont make a blind bit of difference.
I can't wait to read the comments on this one.