The Jokes Thread...

[Sawduststeve]

Two snowmen standing next to each other,
one says to the other “ can you smell carrots? “

 

[RickT6]

LIZARD…LIZard…Lizard…. Is there a gecko in here?

I’ve decide to sell my hoover… well it was just collecting dust

 

[Matchyt30]

 

[VioletVW]

What do you call the man who fell down the stairs?

Mr Step.

 

[Skyliner33]

And what do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?

Bob

What do you call a man with no arms and legs that can swim a length?



Clever Dick.


what do you call a man with 50 rabbits up his arse?



Warren.



what do you call a man without a spade on his head?



Douglas



oh I could go in and on lol.

 

[Matchyt30]

I was on a 'diabetes awareness' website... A pop-up said "do you accept cookies"
I thought it was trying to catch me out!

 

[Matchyt30]

Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine.
He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore.
She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy.
The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
"It's Frank. The midget."

 

[Sabre]

What's the difference between a car full of lawyers and a porcupine?

With the porcupine the pricks are on the outside.

 

[Sabre]

What have you got if you have 100 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?






Not enough sand!

 

[Bashers]

Some b*stard stole my trainers and high vis vest, the other day.

He can run, but he can’t hide!

 

[Skyliner33]

Why has an elephant got 4 feet? Because he would look silly with 4 inches.

 

[Bashers]

Dave works on the Ferris Wheel and Pete works on the Carousel.

Similar jobs, but they move in different circles!

 

[Sabre]

What's made to succeed?


A budgie with no beak!

 

[Matchyt30]

..

 

[Samro]

It's about time that some humour was injected to this forum:

A man rubbed ketchup in his eyes after being told by a friend that this was a special treatment for tired eyes.

In "Heinz sight" his friend was just "on a wind up" and he then pretended that he had been taken to hospital after having problems with his sight.

The wind up merchant then drove to the hospital to visit his friend as he was feeling guilty as he was concerned that he had hospitalized his friend. He sent a text "what ward are you on?"

The reply came through.............. "ICU"!

 

[Ads_Essex]

Price of diesel in your area?

133.9p per litre! I know that prices do go up and down a bit but they are pretty stable at the moment. It really hacks me off me that our local filling station, BP in Aviemore, are just taking the p***. The next nearest garage which is a small independent are 128.9p, and BP 30 miles up the road...

www.t6forum.com

 

[Paynewright]

Did you hear about the man with a sausage phobia? He always fears the wurst!

 

[Dave Mac]

Quick quiz

3 letter word Fights with dog ?

CAT

Wrong it was another Dog.

 

[jimc91]

 

[JOG]

I don't know jokes, I remember a few, an old one about the lone ranger who having a pee on a cactus and a snake bites him on the end of his todger, and he's in a bad way, so Tonto rides to town for antidote, but doc says there isn't one, only way is to suck poison out. Tonto goes back and lone ranger asks what doc said. Tonto says he said you'd gonna die.

Another thing was a friend when I was a small kid. His 'joke' was, Why did the chicken cross the road? Electric oven.
I didn't get it, and I thought about it many years later and supposed he ment that the chicken saw an electric oven on his side of the road and for obvious reasons prefered to avoid it, so it crossed the road. But is it a joke? Is it funny? I'm thinking it sort of is kinda funny.

I’m with you! I’m shit at jokes