The Jokes Thread...
- Thread starter JBLfan
- Start date
My wife was diagnosed with diabetes and hay fever. I tried to cheer her up……………chocolates, flowers ………
Please tell me that’s just art!!!!
With apologies to all female members and wives, partners etc. 
I think that’s the readers digest condensed version.
Putin has died and gone to hell. After ten years the devil gives him a day off and he gets to go to his favourite coffee shop in Moscow. As he finishes his coffee, overcome with worry, he asks the waitress, is the Crimea still ours? Yes she says. Is the Donbas still ours? Yes, she says. Oh thank you says Putin with huge relief. No worries she says, that’ll be ten euros.
Cheers
Toby
Cheers
Toby
The blonde saw the phrase double entendre in a magazine so she asked her parter what the phrase meant. Partner was having trouble explaining the phrase to blonde, so blonde says "give me an example".
So he gave her one.
So he gave her one.
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From Oz
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past, looks up and says to the monkey
"Hey, what're you doing?"
The monkey replies, "Smokin' a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they smoke a few joints.
After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and he's going to get a drink from the river.
The lizard is so stoned that he leans over too far and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting up a tree with a monkey smoking pot, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and wanders into the jungle. He finds the tree where the monkey is sitting finishing up a joint.
The crocodile yells up to the monkey and says "Hey!”
The monkey looks down and says, "F*ck man! How much water did you drink?!?"
"Hey, what're you doing?"
The monkey replies, "Smokin' a joint, come up and have some."
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they smoke a few joints.
After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and he's going to get a drink from the river.
The lizard is so stoned that he leans over too far and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting up a tree with a monkey smoking pot, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and wanders into the jungle. He finds the tree where the monkey is sitting finishing up a joint.
The crocodile yells up to the monkey and says "Hey!”
The monkey looks down and says, "F*ck man! How much water did you drink?!?"
A man walks into a bar with a crocodile. The bar owner screams, get that out of here now.
No, you don't understand said the man. This Croc gives the best bj in the world. Anyone want to try ?
A fella gets up and says I'll try. OK he says, come here. The fella walks up to the Croc and gets his old boy out. The guy whacks the Croc on the head and sure enough, the best bj in the world. Wow, says the fella.
Anyone else wants to try said the man to which an old woman gets up and says, oh yes please, I'll give it a go but please don't hit my head so hard.
No, you don't understand said the man. This Croc gives the best bj in the world. Anyone want to try ?
A fella gets up and says I'll try. OK he says, come here. The fella walks up to the Croc and gets his old boy out. The guy whacks the Croc on the head and sure enough, the best bj in the world. Wow, says the fella.
Anyone else wants to try said the man to which an old woman gets up and says, oh yes please, I'll give it a go but please don't hit my head so hard.
That must be the link he clicked in the House of Commons!
