In memory of my dear departed Father in law, Grandad Yamyam...
Apologies if you have to pinch it up a bit...
Apologies if you have to pinch it up a bit...
The Jokes Thread...
- Thread starter JBLfan
- Start date
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for a socially responsible, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all, together with a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2018, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Britain great, (not to imply that Britain is necessarily greater than any other country), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms.
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Tyke translation: 'av a gud un.
Try getting your head around that.
Do I get extra for a full house?
Good grief. That's brought back some memories along with a few others like.....
Rulered on the KNUCKLES with the EDGE of the wooden ruler at primary school. TICK
Clapped on both ears from behind. TICK
Made to bend down at the waist, legs straight, with your head under the desk for the rest of the lesson. TICK.
Then one time this teacher took me to the stationary room but I've hid the details below as it might be a bit traumatic for some.
Not what you think.
He pretented to cane me and said I must scream out each time he hit the book. Brilliant pyscology because he gained my respect but still sent a warning to the rest of the class.
He pretented to cane me and said I must scream out each time he hit the book. Brilliant pyscology because he gained my respect but still sent a warning to the rest of the class.
Council cutbacks biting hard.
iI should imagine that there are plenty of us who might remember those days.
During the last year of primary my teacher threw one of those chalkboard erasers a classmate for some reason. He didn’t go collect it so I thought I might be safe to offer an observation on throwing things at children… nope!
His eyes darted around his desk and he grabbed a metal pencil sharpener and launched that toward me. I ducked as it whistled past my head.
Wild times.
I got into a fight in a drama lesson. It must have taken a while for the teacher to realise it was for real. I can't remember what happened once he twigged, but at the end of the lesson he'd sent me to put some stuff away in the props store. When no one else was about he drove a swift punch into my stomach and I landed in a pile of something or other. I can still see the look on his face as if to say "and what do you think you are going to do about it then?"
Happy days
Happy days
The head at secondary school assaulted me in a similar manner.
A few days later someone put a kilo of sugar in his petrol tank
He who laughs last...
The head of the Physics department at my secondary school was imposing, austere bloke who wasn't averse to dealing with the occasional disruptive lad by grabbing an ear lobe and applying gentle moderate upwards pressure. His deputy - a diminutive, usually affable chap - had a brain-fart moment and tried the same thing with a 5th former (an annoying, would-be drummer who incessantly tapped on the desk throughout every lesson). Unfortunately, the lad turned around and decked him.
That was the last we saw of either of them!
That was the last we saw of either of them!
You are my old head teacher AICMFP!
I was waiting for the punchline.
Seen on vw van in Germany.
Not enough rust on the T4.
