Knowing your s**t or knowing you're s**t

We all fall foul of auto correct and typos on occasion but the standard of written English demonstrated by some on this and other forums does pee me off sometimes. I often resist the urge to post corrections.
 
What does my head in is when people say “To be honest”

No please, lie your ass off!
 
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What does my head in is when people say “To be honest”

No please lie your ass off!
Or when people say "I won't lie" before telling you a fact about themselves... "I won't lie, I'm knackered"
 
I work with a lot of various nationalities and I'm often told that English is a very complicated language to learn. It seems we have a word for nearly everything whereas a lot of other languages do not. I always try to get my spelling and grammar correct but find myself often making grammatical mistakes. The key when writing anything important is to check, check and check it again, over and over. Then, get somebody else to check it for you. I always tell my children that mastery of English is very important and is a great asset to have as an adult so that you can communicate clearly and understand things clearly. It will make life easier.

One thing that annoys me is when 'V' or 'F' is used for "Th' sound. My 5 year old daughter started saying it and we traced it to her teacher who had actually taught her that 'Th' makes a "F' sound!!! I used to think it was a London thing which I would accept as a regional dialect type scenario but this teacher was from Manchester! Now I even hear Angela Rayner, the Shadow Secretary of State seems to slip in and out of doing it.
 
Got another one, people who say “H” with hay prior to it.

So they would say “HayH”! (Hay-tch)

To confirm, I am a Manc, so no posh git :whistle: (comma added after confirm, by @Loz :) )

Punctuation check required @Loz
 
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Oh, that made me laugh out loud!

By the way, the absence of a comma after “to confirm” made it conditional on being a Manc to determine if you are posh!
Just hand me my ass back on a plate...there was a comma there! Apologies
 
We also have some automatic word correction on the forum.
I've automatically had its apostrophe added. Try typing I've without its apostrophe.
 
That is an American term for brake discs. (Or should that be break disks? ;) )
Don't start me on Americanisms...

We have family in Texas and Unkle David comes out with some corkers:

We picked them up from Heathrow one year and driving along the M4 he's looking out of the window and suddenly says, "Sluff, who lives in a place called Sluff?" to which I reply, "It's not Sluff is Slough!, Slough as in Plough" he looks puzzled and says, "that nothing like Plough" he says, "How do you spell Plough?" "P L O W"

Then in a restaurant one evening, Mrs Loz has dressed up for a change, gets up from the table and walks past David who proclaims, "Hey honey, your fanny looks great in that!". Mother-in-law spits out her rosé, red faces from the English party and then followed a session of what words mean different things across the pond. (fanny being backside in the US)

Whilst out walking in their garden Mrs Loz gets a bite on her calf, David turns around and says, "Pull yer pants down honey, lets get a look"
 
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Got another one, people who say “H” with hay prior to it.

So they would say “HayH”! (Hay-tch)

To confirm, I am a Manc, so no posh git :whistle: (comma added after confirm, by @Loz :) )

Punctuation check required @Loz

There is always one! ☝️
 
At work, I am often asked to proofread others’ work!

*Braces himself
Is that apostrophe in the right place? (I would know TBH) [ There, Their, They’re is another one Know, no & now ]

What is everyones stance on the ‘Oxford comma’?
 
Tex - If you think you're 'no posh git', I was born a Manc but grew up in Brixton (SW London). What does that make me?
 
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